Tuesday, May 1, 2012
PBP 11: Creating a Personal Calendar (Or what to do when you DON'T do the wheel of the year)
You may have noticed from the waterfall of tweets and FB statuses today is Beltane. And happy Mayday to all my friends, by the way.
Also, I don't celebrate it, and maybe some of you guys don't, either. Let me explain.
I've elaborated on this a little before, but I'm one of those people who started with the wheel of the year, and tried to follow it, really really really hard, and still felt like something wasn't right there.
I usually put aside time on Samhain, because the spirit-connectedness bit is pretty awesome, but I never subscribed to the Wiccan/Celtic inspired narrative of what that holiday was supposed to be. I haven't celebrated much of anything in the past couple years (Yule, sometimes, because I love that energy, and sometimes Imbolc because it's my birthday) but to be honest it hasn't made me that happy.
I'm pretty simple. I actually love holidays and the energy and excitement they bring. I like getting together with friends and celebrating some awesome stuff and rejoicing and all that jazz. The problem is: I don't resonate with the traditional wheel of the year, (being of the Shamanic persuasion probably does not help) but I also don't resonate with a particular tradition's holidays. What to do? I'm obviously not a recon of some older tradition and their gods. I lean towards Chaos, if anything. Though I have read about various Tribal holidays, I don't feel absolutely okay appropriating them, and I really don't connect with them either. The situation is basically very frustrating.
I also don't particularly feel drawn to celebrate full moons and whatnot, probably because my goddess-as-full-moon narrative is not there. I think it's fucking cool, like any other person, but I don't really feel the need to do anything in particular for it.
I think this also ties back into "respect" vs "worship". I don't usually get called to do offerings or particularly worship anything, so holidays revolving around such things obviously don't resonate with me. Makes sense. The only real deity I DO "worship" is Sedna, the Inuit sea goddess, and She doesn't seem to have a particular day. More like a season. And even then, the connection is fluid and not always there. I don't get called to do things every day.
So here's my dilemma. I love holidays, but I don't resonate with many on earth, from any culture. So where do I go from here?
I've been thinking about this a long time, and I wonder how much personal narrative has to do with holidays. If I create a mock calendar with dates and things that are relevant to me, inclusive of my own narrative of how things are, is that less valid than an existing one? I would say no, it's not. The problem is holidays usually have strength in numbers. Greek recon friends can reasonably share the same holidays, for instance. But if I create a personal calender, how is that relevant to others? That's my problem with this solution. If you celebrate alone, is it really a "holiday"?
Believe it or not, as angry and apparently politically polarized as I am, I do like celebrating around the big ole' kitchen table sometimes. And frankly it gets lonely being a solitary Shamanic person (which already puts me on a different level than most Pagans, in terms of narrative) who doesn't resonate with anything.
If you were expecting an answer, I'm sorry to say I don't have one. I'm trying to figure out the things I do hold valuable and the things I DO celebrate, and then go from there. Maybe my solution is not in a calender. Maybe the solution is too fluid to fit on a numeric graph.
I DO celebrate the first snow-fall. I do celebrate the days when the flowers bloom for the first time. I celebrate the thunderstorms and long days of rain after a drought and when the leaves begin to turn. Maybe my solution is to completely remove the narrative alltogether, and celebrate the seasons themselves. Maybe I celebrate the animals and the plants and the trees whenever and wherever I feel is right, and I scrap the calendar altogether. That seems to feel righter to me.
And maybe, if more people like me exist, maybe we create on own Calendar together. What do you say?