Saturday, May 26, 2012

Menstruction

 (Yo, forget that noise.)

Admittedly, this title was a typo, but I thought it was perfect.

I guess warning because I'm airing my cycle details to the entire world but honestly the world should man up and deal with those details for EVERY lady because it's about fucking time.

Because the topic we're covering today is menstruation. And in true Duskenpath style I'm going to systematically ruin vague niceties about supposedly known facts using logic and cynicism, okay? Aight.

I've read so many books hailing a woman's 'moontime' as being rife with energy and interconnectedness and psychic power (and white pants, and playing tennis, and grinning on the floor, amirite?) and I dunno about you, but that is about the POLAR-FUCKING-OPPOSITE of my monthly menstruction. (Menstration-Destruction, get it?) (Disclaimer: I'm not on any sort of hormones/birth control, which theoretically make things more tolerable for people.)

I'm at my most connected, psychically speaking, when I'm of clear mind, rested, and relaxed. I have some tea and am usually okay with everything, and usually there's a fuller moon coming up. (Also closer to fall.) If my physical body is in pain or my mind is compromised it actually inhibits my journeying. This is why I refuse to consume drugs/plants of any sort or drink, because it cuts off my connections.

So, then this follows. When I near my menstruction, I am first sore, all over, for a week, which just does wonders for the self, let me tell you. Then, we slowly move from just sore to Soul Crushing Depression in which it becomes hard to spot a single good thing in the entire world. Then, just delightfully, we move into oh-god-it-just-hurts-everytime-i-move-anything. Did I mention this is just the PMS lineup?

When we get to the actual event I become even more pissed, because generally if you're constantly bleeding onto or into things it gets goddamned annoying. I get horrific cramps that make me unable to move 2 feet in either direction, but laying down makes it worse and sitting still makes that worse. And this continues for like 5 whole days. I have to sleep a certain way so I don't ruin all of my shit. I have to wear certain shit just in case of accidents. I have to handcuff myself to the bathroom like a lost lover because my stomach can't handle a blessed thing, and if it's not horrible bloating it's something else. And to top it off, I'm suffering this for no blessed reason because, not only am I not into men, I never want to experience pregnancy or childbirth, ever. So I suffer this shit for a useless organ that frankly makes me uncomfortable to remember has certain bodily functions.

Oh, and then, joy of joys, during ovulation week I get all sorts of awesome lower back pain and ovary twinges because why not, body? Amirite?

My question is, how is being in that state supposed to connect me to some all-encompassing-period-radio channel where I have a direct conduit to shit? I mean, I'm honestly inquiring here. I wish I could have a totally pain free time and just sit there meditating in the the bask of apparently how awesome it feels to shed the lining from an organ you maybe want to use someday besides donating it to science, but that ain't me, guys.

If my bodily needs aren't handled, I can't get my brain in gear enough to focus to do anything psychically/spiritually. And I'm most definitely NOT one of those "oh yeah hurts so good pain helps me go places" person. I'm just like, fucking ow, that really hurts. Focus on nothing for the next 2 hours because it really hurts. I don't ENJOY having this curse, or feel connected or honorable for having one. If it disappeared tomorrow I'd be like hells yeah. And this isn't societal conditioning, I think periods are great for people who want them, but you can't argue it's kind of a painful shitty time for most people, and therefore I dislike that nonsense. The only reason I don't want my uterus removed entirely is bad surgical consequences after. Sigh.

I would really like someone who completely digs their period for whatever reason to explain to me this quasi-feminist~pagan trope of somehow becoming awesomely aware when you bleed out for ~5 days, cause I dunno if it's the mild gender dysphoria talking or me, but I have never understood it.

The only way I can comprehend this is from the women-are-unclean-during-so-we-sanctioned-them-off-into-their-own-area-when-bleeding angle. I expect if you have a whole village of people on the same cycle, you'd have some pretty fun times with your fem-bros, chilling and bleeding on things, I guess.

Buuuut were you sanctioned off because you're all unclean? Cause that's pretty unfeminist, bro. Were you sanctioned off by people saying it was sacred for you but really thought you unclean? Also not cool, bro. Did you decide to sanction yourselves off to bask in your fem-bros' opinions and chill time? That's pretty rad. Continue, friends. (I consider this part of the Red Tent resurfacing, the female-driven sequestering, I mean.)

But again, personally the LAST thing I want on my period is to have to see people. The sight of people just doing person things while I writhe on the floor in pain just overtakes me in righteous fury. I'm so pissed I just want to curl up in a hole where it's dark and nobody can bother me and I can sit until it all goes away. Granted I dislike most people in the world anyway, so it's an acute possibility this just intensifies. The last thing I want to do is be in a room full of people handling their period better than me (not writhing in pain on the floor) and talking about period things. I want it to be over the SECOND it begins, because every part is terrible for me.

Now, menstrual blood in magix. That's cool with me. Hell yeah use it if you're into those shenanigans, and if your deities are too. I don't use it much since I don't deal with very physical things like that often, offerings and whatnot. Also it reminds me I have a functioning useless organ. But sometimes if I ignore Sedna too long she makes it feel as if I'm passing an astral baby, and that just adds to my feeling of joy and womanly connectedness so much I don't have the sarcasm for it, seriously.

Okay, sarcastic rant over. But seriously please explain to me how menstruction feels awesome; I really want to know, for science, and paganism. Challenge: You can't liken it to maiden/mother/crone stereotypes. Okay, ready? Go.

8 comments:

  1. I'm in the same boat as you with the major horridness of my period, though it sounds like you have it much worse than me. The pill helped me, until it started making my migraines 10x worse. I hope you find something soon that helps you.

    So yeah- the concept of period-as-better-magicks time mystifies me, too. How am I supposed to raise energy when I'm so exhausted and anemic and in pain all over? The whole idea sounds like something women invented to try to feel empowered about since otherwise it's pretty much a week where you feel like crap.

    Colleen

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  2. My partner and I agree with you completely. I don't get cramps and pains as bad as yours, but they're still distracting. Regarding the alleged heightened powers, the only thing I can think of is how, sometimes, in between waves of cramps and aches, I can feel rather serene, even dreamy. I chalk it up to my body being so active that my mind takes a back seat. So...maybe the people who make those claims feel more like that during their period. Or they're BSing.

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    1. That's a good point. I call it period brain, the absentminded fog that prevents me from remembering things. I guess that is comforting to some. From my understanding it's hormones screwing with the entire body just to completely incapacitate you some more, right?

      BSing is also a good hypothesis.

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    2. Instead of BSing, I'm more inclined to believe what Colleen said above, about forcing that bloody week into an empowerment thing by sheer persistence. And yeah, I can't focus under the effects of all those hormones, either.

      ...Just why was this a good evolutionary idea?

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  3. Been reading for a while, finally gave up and got a blogger ID since your site is only accepting comments from folks with blogger IDs and... I have opinions ;) The first of which is "holy crap someone else as fluent in sarcasm as I am!!"

    Honest input that doesn't reference the whole maiden-mother-crone bit? Honestly, I love my period because it's the only time in the month that my hormones are close to "normal." I have PCOS and my body produces about 3 times the testosterone that it should. Enter my period and hey, I can actually connect with my female-ness for a little while. Helps me balance myself out a bit mentally. I have no idea why so many other women seem to love the pain and mess and emotional rollercoaster though.

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  4. We may be twins in some way. Your "moontimes" (I so hate that word) were very similar all of my life until 2009. I had a hysterectomy and it was the greatest thing I ever did. I still have stupid PMS, though, that sounds very much like yours! My hormones are terrible. I couldn't even do spell or energy work during my period because it would either blow up in my face or not work at all.
    In high school, I had to sleep on my stomach on a hot waterbottle or heating pad to even sleep, the cramps were so bad.

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