Thursday, June 14, 2012
Success Stories: Or, What Ganesha is Teaching Me
You know when you're at your most cynical and depressed, and you hit that point where all you can do basically is pray/petition, because your ship is a helpless situation sinking into the depths of horrible depression and failure?
And then you petition your Gods, and shit doesn't change?
That was me, pretty much, until this moment.
Then, I was desperate and sad and I put my case to Ganesha, completely outside of my comfortable 'pantheon', completely out of my element of aloofness and mental dissection. I was utterly begging, emotional, and a laid out mess. It was my last ditch effort to offer Him an orange and a candle and chant His mantra 108 times.
And this time, I got results. Almost immediately, things began to happen.
When all of my faith in humanity and everything was coming into question, I did a ritual and got results.
I am in awe of this a little bit. Let me explain.
Every time I have done a spell in the past, it was for either things I wasn't ready to handle yet, and so they obviously didn't happen, or for inner, transformative, long-term things. You can't really measure that effort in success or failure, because it takes a very, very long time.
It wears on you. It does. If you Petition often, or if you work active spellwork and you get up and you do what you're supposed to; you work WITH the spell and don't sit back and just expect shit to happen around you, and you STILL don't get results? It makes you tired. It makes you doubt. And it sure as hell would take a stronger person than I to go on a path in which that was my norm. Even if you rationalize it as fate or karma, it will still wear you down. You'll still think things.
I don't DO spells, as a rule. I don't usually petition Deity because I like to use my own power to make shit happen, even if that sounds conceited, because I don't think you need to go running around bringing minor shit to Deities all the time, like a child. I don't put things in the hands of Deity often, because I'm so involved in the Otherworlds and in working with Deity directly, and not on MY problems. There's also the hairy problem that the few Deities I DO work with are very much concerned with my Otherworld soul development: Shaman realms tasks, Deathwalking, that sort of thing. My Deity list, though short, emcompasses every aid I need for my Paganish work.
The problem is: That left this life kind of in the dust. I couldn't work on my soul shit when this body was depressed and losing hope at a rapid pace. My first step in that direction was working more with the L'wa, as a partner to aid me with my career. (We're still waiting on that process.) My second step was to go before Ganesha, desperate and tired of dealing with all this on my own, and to ask Him to remove some obstacles that were clouding my life.
Well, we're working on the inner ones, but wouldn't you know it, it took a Deity of obstacle removing completely on the outside of my sphere of comfort to teach me the important lesson that, sometimes, shit does work out. Sometimes, you do a spell and it actually works. Sometimes, you can really hope for something and throw energy behind it and it actually does happen. Ganesha, ironically, is teaching me to hope for things again. To explore again. In one small move, I feel like I have been dead and am now living.
Sometimes, you ask for things and you get them. Sure, sometimes you don't. But the times it works, and you have a success story--those are the times you remember. That's what fuels your pathwork and your spellwork and restores your faith, little by little, in the real-ness of the Work.
Sometimes I get stuck in the frame of mind of thinking I'm crazy for sitting in a crystal grid and expecting things to happen, or sitting beneath a full moon with a scroll of seals and a journey to make. And then, you ask for things and the Universe listens, and the amazing gratitude washes over you like a wave, and everything looks a little brighter, and that rare moment can make it all worth it.
I wonder if this is what it must feel like to have faith.