Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Frog Lessons: 1
Lessons from Frog come at a price.
Any Guide lessons come at a price; some you don't know until later. The moment you accept help from a Guide or what-have-you, you can think of it as losing some of yourself in the process. A little bit of ego death, which is not a bad thing. The losing results in your gaining progress in exchange. The lessons necessitate you change, and when you change, the old is cut away and the new given place to take seed.
Frog's lessons are happening in Dreamtime, so I go to visit her beforehand, and she teaches me, prepares me for the dream, and then...I'm supposed to actually dream.
That's not really happening.
It's not really a surprise to you guys, probably, that I have some sleep issues. Nothing horrific like nightmares that some are plauged with, just annoyances. Every once in a while I have a night with no sleep. My brain isn't working in overtime, like people say, but I just can't sleep. And I spent 8 hours trying, knowing I won't be asleep until the sun comes up. And I'm right, every time.
Sometimes I'll be trapped in a state when I see colors, images, or swirls that have no particular meaning, but whenever I come out of that, I have a seriously bad and uncomfortable feeling, physically and mentally. I still don't know what that's about.
Whenever I "sleep" over another person's house/hotel/not my bed, the first night of sleep contains NO sleep. No matter how tired I am, I can't sleep the first night. At all, ever. The exception is when the sun comes up, I usually pass out from exhaustion. And if I'm away from my house for a period, and then come back, the first night back is a sleepless one.
And if I try to nap during the day, no matter how tired, it results in being locked in a twilight state where I'm not asleep or dreaming, but I'm not awake, and when I come out of it I can't remember where my soul was for the past 40 minutes. I can't remember the last time I actually napped during a day.
I've tried dream magick stuff before, repeatedly, and it never works beyond remembering. I had a lucid dream once in my life, and not when I was actively trying. The few prophetic and Shamanic dreams I've had were not my own doing. So dream magick has frustrated me and I've pretty much given up on having it mean much of anything.
And then Frog shows up. And apparently the price of being able to focus and have specific dreams is less sleep, in general. For the past 3 nights I've had so much trouble sleeping it's ridiculous. I'll "come to" in the middle of the night and realize I haven't been sleeping. It's slightly driving me up a wall.
But when I finally do sleep at 7 AM, I have really significant dreams. Last night I was an underwater Atlantean explorer. The night before, I witnessed a product I sent to a company being developed, in real-time. The dreams feel different. They feel substantial. I can see colors (which is weird, that I usually don't) and I can remember vivid detail. Obviously, what she's doing, it's working. It has a purpose. The first night I dreamt of an altar of wicker, and dragons, and prophecy.
I only have one memory from last night's interrim, in which she gave me 1-2 word "rules" to follow, if I wanted to enter the dreamstate.
to be silent
Each one of these she illustrated for me. I went through each step and got to breathe, and focused on that. That's when I entered the dream.
She uses Pain to teach me. She gives me raging third eye headaches, and that's when I know to go there. If I don't go, it gets worse. This is effective, because pain I can't ignore. She witholds Sleep, so I learn to Dream right on my feet. She knows me so well, already.
I'm not used to having a Guide like this.